Spoilers: through "The Job"
Word Count: 1,339
Summary: Andy introduces Kelly to the wonderful world of Star Wars.
Author's Note: So, apparently, now I'm actually incapable of watching a movie without writing a fic afterwards which involves Kelly and Andy watching that same movie. I don't know what this says about me. Maybe I don't want to know.
Also, I know that it seems like a bit of a stretch that someone hasn't seen Star Wars, but three of my best friends in fact have not, so I'm writing from experience here, people. It's a dark and dire situation if there ever was one.
“Wait a second – hold up. You’ve never seen Star Wars?”
“No,” Kelly replies, wrinkling her nose. “It’s just a bunch of ugly aliens and spaceship battles and stuff, isn’t it? I mean, what’s great about that?”
Andy clutches his heart all dramatically, like she just stabbed him or something. “Oh. Oh, Little Snapple.” He pauses, shaking his head. “How little you know.”
“Shut up,” Kelly orders, but she can’t help smiling.
His apartment is like the most depressing place she’s ever been. The walls are covered in framed flyers for Here Comes Treble! concerts, and none of the furniture matches. Which sort of explains the ties.
Still, she can tell that he cleaned up before she came over, and there’s something sweet about the teetering pile of Maxims and Lost behind-the-scenes magazines stacked on the coffeetable.
Andy keeps laughing all weird and saying dumb stuff like ‘there’s the sofa’ and ‘check out my super-sweet coffeetable’. He lists off all the kinds of soda he has like twice.
“Andy, you’re being a spaz,” she informs him when he starts with the soda list a third time.
He stops right in the middle of saying Cherry Coke and goes, sort of sadly, “Yes. Yes, I am.”
Kelly shoves his arm lightly, smiling. “What, like you’ve never had a girl over here before?”
“Psh, no!” He crosses his arms in front of his chest and keeps doing that weird, cocky fake laugh of his. “I’ve had tons of girls over here. The ladies love la casa de Bernard, believe you me. In fact, I’m thinking of keeping tampons in the bathroom next to the gigantic box of condoms. Ooh, gotta get more of those, by the way. I’m almost out, because of how much I use them. The . . . condoms, not the tampons.”
Kelly just stares at him. For a really long time.
“That was . . . lame and unfunny,” Andy finally concludes, biting his lip. “Sorry.”
“That’s okay,” Kelly relents. Even though he can be such a loser, she can never really stay annoyed at him. It’s weird.
They settle down onto the couch next to each other, and as soon as the movie starts, Andy finally seems to chill out. He stretches his arm across the back of the couch, and she can sort of feel it against her shoulders, but it doesn’t seem skeezy or anything. It’s just Andy. It’s nice.
To her surprise, Star Wars is actually kind of awesome. The special effects are pretty impressive considering these were made like forty years ago or whatever, and Princess Leia kicks ass, and that little squeaky robot is really cute, and don’t even get her started on Han Solo, because oh my God.
“They’re totally like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy in space,” she concludes with a happy sigh ten minutes into the second movie.
“Who?” Andy asks, sounding confused.
Kelly sits up straighter and turns to look at him. “No. No way have you not seen Pride & Prejudice.”
“Guilty,” Andy admits.
“Okay, we’re totally watching that sometime,” she insists, tapping her fist against his chest lightly for emphasis. “Keira Knightley is sooo amazing.”
“If you insist,” Andy says, grinning.
She totally cries when Han Solo gets turned into stone at the end. She doesn’t feel that lame about it, though, because Andy sounds sort of choked up too, and he’s seen it like thirty times.
The thing is, she’s not really used to nights out anymore now that she’s lame and single –she keeps on getting sleepier and sleepier, and Andy is yawning a lot next to her. By the time Leia's all scantily clad and chained to the nasty blob in the third one, they’ve pretty much fallen asleep on top of each other. She’s startled awake all the way by her Kelly Clarkson ringtone at like one in the morning. (She doesn’t care what anybody says, Since U Been Gone is totally the most empowering song in the history of ever.)
She sits up to reach for her purse on the coffeetable, and Andy sort of mumbles something in his sleep and moves so his head’s in her lap. She rolls her eyes and digs her phone out. She doesn’t think to check who’s calling. “Hello?”
“Hey,” says the most unwelcome voice on the planet.
Her heart is beating really hard. “Ryan?”
“Yeah,” he confirms awkwardly.
She watches the DVD logo bounce from corner to corner on the TV screen. “Oh.”
It’s quiet for like six seconds.
“So. I think there’s a murderer in my apartment,” Ryan says. She can tell he’s completely uncomfortable, because he actually sounds friendly and sort of animated. “For real, this time.”
“Probably. You’re in New York. There’s tons of creepy killers there and stuff,” she says, and hangs up. Her hands are shaking.
The phone rings again like twenty seconds later. Usually, this would be like the best thing ever – look who’s stalkerish now, thank you very much – but instead, she’s just kind of pissed that he ruined her night.
“Kelly—” he begins when she picks up.
“Listen, Ryan, I can’t really talk to you,” she cuts in.
“I know,” he says patiently. “I get why you feel that way, totally, but—”
“I’m actually over at my new boyfriend’s house right now, and you’re kind of interrupting us,” Kelly says matter-of-factly. She has no idea where that came from, but she sounds totally convincing when she says it. It’s sort of scary and sort of awesome.
“Oh,” Ryan says blankly. “Uh. Okay.”
“Yeah, so, later, okay?”
“Yeah.” He sounds bummed. Serves him right, the stupid bastard. “Later.”
She lets out a slow, shaky breath and puts her cell phone back in her purse. When she looks down at her lap, it’s to see that Andy’s eyes are open. He’s staring up at her, looking sleepy and disoriented and a little bit cute.
“I’m your new boyfriend?” he asks sleepily.
“Of course not, stupid,” she responds, kinda softly. “But I had to say something to make him feel like crap.”
“Oh,” Andy says. “Right.”
He just keeps looking up at her, all concerned.
“I hate him,” she mumbles.
After a second, he reaches over and grabs one of her hands. “Me too.”
All of a sudden she feels like crying, which is stupid. She swallows and blinks a couple of times, and then pushes his hair back a little the way she always used to do with Ryan. “You’re a really good friend, Andy.”
“Thank you,” he says after a few seconds. He sounds surprised. “Um, you too.”
She sniffles just once, and then pulls her hand from his. “Hey, get up.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, and scrambles off of her like he’s afraid he’s gonna get slapped or something.
“No,” she says, and catches his arm. “I just need something to lean on. That’s all.”
He looks over at her and starts to smile. It still disorients her sometimes, that she makes him smile so much. It seems sort of unnatural. “Oh. Okay, then.”
She settles against him. “Okay, we were at the part with the nasty blob thing.”
“That would be Jabba the Hutt.”
“Whatever,” she says, rolling her eyes at him. “Just start the movie.”
He reaches for the remote, and goes into the scene selection to find the part where they left off. As he’s shuffling through the scenes, he turns and glances at her.
“Hey,” he says, a little awkwardly, “If you, uh, ever want to tell anyone else that I’m your boyfriend, to get back at Ryan, just . . . know that I am totally cool with that, okay?”
“Okay,” she replies after a moment. “Thanks.”
He grins. “No problemo.”
He finds their spot in the movie, and after a few minutes, she lets her head droop onto his shoulder. It’s not like it’s a big deal or anything, she decides. Leia fully kissed Luke on the mouth in Empire Strikes Back, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that that’s not going anywhere.